namaste73

Hi Gabrielle,

Thanks again for taking the time to reply, I very much appreciate it, and apologies for not replying sooner but I have been away.

I bought myself some Himalayan pink sea salt today and have started to use that instead of table salt on my food. I’m hoping it will do me lots of good :-). I thought maybe I would also try to start taking smoothies lots more and also invested in a multi vitamin spray and B12 mouth spray as I was told recently by my acupuncturist that these would be more easily absorbed.

What you said about real and imagined stress was really interesting, and also that something in my environment could be making my yoga more stressful. There are a few things really, primarily I’m just coming out of a 4 yr relationship which is still ending acrimoniously and I am somewhat lost and trying to rebuild my life from scratch again but luckily I have a very supportive family etc. However the sense of loss is tremendous particularly as we were about to start a family. Secondly, I wondered if the medication I am on may be contributing. I am on a very low dose on antidepressant. I initially was advised to take them in my early twenties after suffering a terrible bereavement( I believe this was a very bad judgement on my doctors part). I am now in my early 40s and have tried to get off them consistently since then but have only succeeded so far in getting to a minimal dose. I don’t know if this information is relevant?

The hot room certainly seems to trigger deep emotion and also facing oneself in those mirrors is often not easy. I don’t know what the exact temp of the room is though but I can try and find out and ask one of the teachers tomorrow.

I think you may have hit the nail on the head though when you say that my body is not distinguishing between good yoga stress and ‘bad’ life stresses. I’m trying to do some pranayama breathing at home and started to do alternate nostril breathing in the evening. I do feel often even in the first breathing asanas in class, that I cannot breath as deeply as I think I should. I think rabbit pose is especially difficult as I feel so claustrophobic and it is very true that my body does tense up. I don’t have your book as of yet Gabrielle but I intend to get it as soon as I can (I am a student right now so have to save up). I would greatly appreciate your help with my practice though, thank you so much.

I think, if I’m brutally honest, that I have very low self esteem and am full of self doubt about myself and my abilities to ‘survive’. I have always, since a teenager, suffered from panic attacks and then in my thirties had major problems with generalised anxiety. This probably stems from when my body stopped working prior to the surgery I had (severe ulcerative colitis for several yrs and depression, anxiety etc)and I was literally at deaths door before I had major emergency surgery in my late thirties. I have tried literally everything to help with anxiety and I do think Bikram is the way forward if I can get the balance right.

To answer the end of your email, I think I breath generally pretty fine in everyday life but I have had the odd day recently when I had a tight chest and shallow breathing. It could be that I am tense and holding my breath without even realising it though. My breathing in class can get shallow and gulping if I feel overwhelmed. In my practice I feel that I’m not achieving what I would like to. Maybe that’s the ego getting in the way though! I feel like I am not able to do the asanas to my optimum potential and almost have to conserve energy to get to the end of the class. I have to sit down sometimes but try not to. Before I had surgery I used to practice Astanga vinyasa nearly everyday and was very flexible and aware of my breath etc so it can be somewhat frustrating but I try to go with it and do what I can. In the Bikram class though I often get tired very early on and it can be an ordeal to get through BUT I do feel that up until recently I did benefit afterwards.

Apologies for the length of this email and hope I didn’t ramble too much. Its so hard to try and communicate so much via email without sounding a bit whining and that is not how I want to come across ! 🙂

Thanks again Gabrielle x

Thanks so much for replying Gabrielle,

Previously I tried to get to class three times per week but at times of really bad anxiety it went down to two. When I first started practising I found it overwhelming but it has got better although sometimes the heat seems too much (but afterwards I always felt the benefits and more grounded). I have never done three classes in a row. I was so desperate to kick this anxiety I wanted to go every day and my teacher encouraged this and has been very supportive. Previously I had at least one day off between classes.

With the bowel resection, I know I have to drink more than other people and try to do this (sometimes I forget) and recently started to add electrolytes to my water. I was also diagnosed with adrenal fatigue last year and am seeing a herbalist who is helping with that. However, I did previously feel that Bikram practice was helping with the terrible anxiety and I so wanted to keep with the practice and finally sort this out and get stronger.

I am practising in the same studio and there is no change in the heat so I don’t think that can be it. When I practised 3 times a week I was never calm as such but the practice did make me feel calm afterwards and that was brilliant. Like a relief from all the constant stress and worry but after practising 3 days in a row it’s like something has shifted and the anxiety is heightened. I know sometimes things can get worse before better but I’m worried that it becomes too overwhelming and I shut down or get ill. To be honest the first two days on the daily practice were emotional but fine but the third day after sobbing in class and feeling like the heat was too much the anxiety didn’t go away after class and I have been exhausted ever since. I was so disappointed as I felt I’d failed. Many people in my studio are doing the 30 day challenge and I quietly wanted to do this for myself…I thought it would finally sort out all this stress and deep rooted fear I’ve carried around for years. I really wanted to practice and become stronger in myself and feel more in control of my life and future.

I have done so much research into how Bikram yoga has changed peoples lives and helped them finally conquer anxiety and depression but now I am so scared to return to class. I am determined to try and go today and hope that it goes well but to be honest I am quite scared.

I think you are right in that my body is bad at processing stress and tiredness but it seems to be a vicious circle as initially the Bikram practice gave me relief from this. I don’t know if this is something I just need to work through and hopefully come out better the other side? I have had a lot of stress and loss in my life that I’ve bottled up for years and I just really now want to stop being afraid and fearful and start trying to find a more joyful way of living.

Thank you so much for your support
Namaste x

Any help and advice would be very greatly appreciated 🙂