mothership_srb

Hi, I’m new and just wanted to join in the conversation.
I am 42 and have been heavy since my late 20s (first baby weight never went away, second baby piled more on top). But, because I am tall and I have always enjoyed exercise 210 pounds didn’t look that bad. Rather suddenly in the last year, everything has redistributed and I look lumpy and bumpy. I keep hurting things at the gym and having to take weeks off to heal. I jumped on the wii fit with my kids one night and found I was now at 228 pounds. It was a bit of a wake up call.

Like so many others a Groupon for 20 classes caught my attention. I am not new to yoga, I have gone through periods of pretty regular practice and then I would find water aerobics, or pilates or cross-fit and stop going. I am a serial dieter and exerciser and somehow I’m just getting bigger.
So, my local studio is gorgeous, I feel so lucky, heated matted floors and wonderful showers and the instructors have all been encouraging and very kind. My first class was really hard, so much harder than I anticipated, I sat down a lot but tried to do at least the second shorter set of each exercise. My girth means that some poses are inaccessible to me, my balance is off in most one legged poses and I fall out after a few seconds. It was hard to accept that I had let myself get to this place where I cant do a tree pose anymore. I left my first class angry and emotional, I went home and fell asleep, so exhausted, so out of shape…so discouraged. But the next morning, i wasn’t as sore as I thought I was going to be and I felt sort of energized, so I went back and did it again and had an entirely different experience.

Well, i just finished class 9 and it was a hard one. Class 8 was kind of euphoric, I floated out to my car. But today was hard, I felt huge and lumpy and unattractive, I had to stop twice and stand and breathe, I had been able to get through my last couple of classes without a break. It just felt hotter and I was sort of nauseous by the end, avoiding looking in the mirrors. So, as I was laying in the last savasana and our instructor was turning down the lights and saying “good class everyone,” she suddenly turned to me and said “Sarah, thank you for being here today, your practice is beautiful and I so enjoy watching you.” And I said thank you then laid on my mat and cried for a few minutes in the dim light. I don’t know what she was seeing or what sort of nudge or validation the universe was giving me but the knowledge suddenly crashed into me, I have a practice. I have a practice.

I have been at this 3 times a week, trying to work up to 5 and I don’t think I have lost weight, but I feel stronger and I feel like I’m re-shaping in a good way. I think once I corral my eating habits a bit and get into a rhythm of going Monday-Friday, I will start to see visible and tangible results. Already, I am sleeping really well, no headaches in 3 weeks and my usual aches and minor joint pain are much diminished.

I think this is going to be my practice for a very long time.